drowning in nostalgia

I’ve been standing in the rain for too long. The rain has stopped. It’s time to move on.

I really think our school system is shot. Like Sir Ken Robinson talks about in his TEDTalks, schools kill creativity.

Our whole system of SAT, SAT II (sorry, Subject Tests), and AP/IBs really over-standardize curricula to the point that we’re essentially memorizing, practicing, and regurgitating. It’s really ridiculous. I really don’t see how the SAT is a measure of how prepared you are for college. No matter how well I do on the SAT, I earnestly hope that is it not used as a tool to judge me, or to put me on a pedestal in the case I do well. I don’t believe in it.

Then, there’s other problems: bias and interpretation. Who’s to say that one person’s interpretation is the correct one, or even a group. A bandwagon fallacy isn’t the way to go here. Hell, Ph.Ds disagree on the time, sometimes viciously. If a student can prove an answer that’s supposedly wrong, then why doesn’t it matter? The whole “more correct” thing is just a loophole. With superlatives, there isn’t exactly wiggle room.

And then teachers sometimes really have no idea what they’re doing, and they don’t teach effectively nor control a class.

Looking at my own school, our whole LOTE department is ridiculous. Language education in America pales in comparison to all other European language programs, and also to those of the rest of the world. Our math is also lagging behind in so many ways.

When it comes down to it, at best, schools teach to the lowest common denominator. This is not only a time-waster, but also a stifler for those with true potential who can’t express in the school environment they are forced into by law. But what can be done? It’s apparently unthinkable to stray from this system of testing we have already established.

My proposal is simply to place a very large emphasis instead on spoken interviews to really gauge understanding and to create a system that allows for individualized pacing. The Khan Academy is a great thing.

Looking back, 2011 was quite a year. It was a year of love, a year a friendship, which became a year of loss, and a year of realization. And well, there have been new people along the way, notably simply because they’re different. And reflection has gone deeper, which means it has gotten scarier, but it is wiser to have done so. Well, maybe. I’ve come to realize that there are certain beliefs that I hold, and I believe strongly in certain things that I do, that I will really hold on to them regardless of the opposition.

As for the friendships, I must say things have changed. Some remain there, just as they have for years, and some have fallen. Some have been realized, and some have been made and blossomed. Some stay strong to this day, yet some seem to be weakening. Either way, I believe that things are working out for the best. And well, certain friendships have become extraordinary in some ways, or rather, that’s how they’ve always been and I’ve just decided to realize that that’s how I’d describe. But that’s less than a handful. But it gives me hope, and true comfort in living is hard to find. Unfortunately, not everything has worked out perfectly with some, but perhaps losing them is better for me in the long run. My relationship with everyone has definitely changed, but I think it’s a result of some deeper reflection.

Academically, I guess things have relatively worked out well. Testing has at least. Grades, eh; it’s not super comfortable but again, relatively speaking I’m still doing better than others. Which, I guess is what matters the most in evaluating grades? But oh well, I disapprove of the education system anyway so none of it really matters to me. Sure, certain academic things haven’t worked out, certain elections that is, but other things have, such as essays and things on paper. Maybe my academic highlight would be winning 3rd in the ASHG DNA Day Essay contest… and the PSATs. But anyway, I wonder what research will bring me, and I can only hope academic success will continue to be a part of my life.

As for simply self? It’s a process. I think I’m slowly getting to know myself better, and that’s interesting. I realized that my ideal “social behavior” is just sitting and talking. Talking deeply and talking freely. And well, I relish whoever and whatever chances I can engage in such discussion. Because, I believe that talking out loud with people can truly create more meaningful things than just hanging out and actually nothing. But of course, movies are always fun. I hope that when I can finally take my road test and drive around, these will be more common, but we’ll see. There are people in mind. Other than that, I found that I’ve become more polarized. People that I like I like more, and people I don’t like have starting to move to true loathing. But at least I know exactly what the reasons are. As for future plans, I wish knew more about what I want to be when I grow up. Funny thing growing up is; at age 17, I’m already clinging on for life to my youth. But well, I keep saying that Economics and Psychology are my two college major interests, but I really love music. I guess it’s just unfortunate, because at the same time I hold beliefs that my personal undertaking of music as a career would not be as successful as I would like, simply because I would be starting to late on violin. And well, guitar isn’t exactly viable in music either. So therefore, in an effort to do what will inevitably be the best for me, I choose a more academic path; though hopefully I won’t have to do too much more research-I realize I don’t like hard science, and much prefer soft science instead. What I want is happiness though.

Alas, 2012 is here, and well, I don’t make resolutions. I don’t believe that days themselves hold meaning simply because they’re arbitrarily determined by a Gregorian calendar we use. Why not the Julian calendar? Who knows. But anyway, I think change is a constant process, though I stay try to Pearl Jam’s “I change by not changing, at all.” Which brings up my fairly large shift in music tastes. Well, maybe just a change in %genre listened to. I guess… I’ve branched out in a more worldly sense. But it’s a beautiful thing.

I hope for everyone to have a happy new year and to have a lovely 2012. As for me, all I wish is to be happy. In other words, I wish that what I want will happen or come true, and that my goals and ideals can and will be fulfilled. Thank you.

Nostalgia is like water. It keep you alive and going, but it can drown you when it overwhelms you.

Oh, how I’ve missed you Kim Hyun Joong.

I wish I felt mentally stable.

I’m going insane.

Crash go the waves.